Run Here, Run There!

I’ve been making some progress in Neopets: The Darkest Faerie, and I’ve got to say: this game is slightly getting on my nerves now. All I am doing is running back and forth carrying on errands for a bunch of assholes that seem to think Tor is an annoying little fly. It’s like they think he’ll just go away if they give him enough boring tasks to do! Anyway, here’s a little bit of what I’ve done.

Farther on down Farm Road, some bitch was complaining that there were killer weeds in her back field. All right then, let’s kill them! I knew I was in the right area when the music changed ominously.

I charged the offending…weed…thing, and the first time around, it actually kicked my ass! Why isn’t there a block button?!? I try to run away when something’s attacking me, but the camera goes a little wonky sometimes and I have no idea where I am.

Well, shit…

The second time around, I was more prepared for the way I was going to be attacked, so I kicked the asses of those killer weeds! I also ran into some guy who was blue for some reason, but I couldn’t figure out why. Moving on…

Some old fart was hearing noises in his root cellar and wanted me to check it out. His kid thought it might be a Spyder. Funny, when “spyder” is spelled like that, I think of my car, which is a convertible.

Anywho! I went down into his creepy root cellar, killed the beasts, and found a fog mote while I was at it. Yay for me!

Next, I ran into another old fart who was being attacked by crows- er, Crokabeks. You know the pattern by now… I chopped up those crows into delicious little bits, earned some cool fruit/ vegetable/ something, and moved on with my life.

I entered the outskirts of Meridell, where I found another cute PetPet! I couldn’t feed it for some reason, so I was bummed about that.

Be my friend!

I want to make a note here that so far, the game seems to insist on very linear progress. You can’t stray very far from your current goal! For instance, I tried to go into the cave shown below, but it wouldn’t let me yet! Whatever.

What’s in here?!?!

When I got to Meridell Village, two fat squirrel things tagged teamed me and stole my package! Those bastards! Luckily, I got it back. I delivered the package to a crabby old bastard who told me I could become a squire, but first I needed a shield. Okayyy….

I attempted to go to the armory, but the lady there was a total bitch and told me I didn’t have enough money! She told me I could go win a shield. FINE!

What is wrong with people in this game?

After engaging in a quick battle and winning a shield, I headed back to the Recruitment Center. Maybe now I could finally become a squire! However, Sergeant Sassypants told me I needed a knight to sponsor me. Oh hell!

The one knight I was able to talk to was drowning his sorrows at a bar because his sword broke. He wouldn’t help me further until I took it upon myself to find his sword pieces and reforge it! Can’t anyone do ANYTHING themselves around here?!?


After speaking to some guardsmen, I figured out where the sword pieces were, then went to retrieve the sword hilt from a prisoner. I had to pay 100 coins for it WTF!

The smithy was also a douche bag until I told him I had Master Torak’s sword for him to reforge. He then did it for free. What is with the people in this game?

Wow, aren’t you sweet.

Happy at last, Master Torak the whiny ass knight signed my sponsorship papers, so I went BACK to the Recruitment Center. And wouldn’t you know… now Officer Asshole wants me to have a Letter of Consent signed by my parents! OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD. Can you just tell me everything I need to do so I can get it all done in one shot!

You have got to be kidding me!

I decided this was a good stopping point for now. Like I said, the game is getting on my nerves a bit. It is fun and entertaining, but the back and forth nature of the quests seems a bit unnecessary. The camera is annoying too. Nevertheless, I will continue on and see what happens next!