I’m A Big Fat Liar!

“Sure, it can get frustrating at times, but I’ve never encountered a level so hard I want to delete the game and never play it again.” -me, in a blog post a few days ago regarding the iOS game Angry Birds. Now, I am not usually a liar, and please understand- up until a couple days ago, I truly meant what I said. But… that was before I encountered the horrible atrocity that is known as Egg Defender Level 15.

Note: The following post is bound to be laced with profanity, so if that’s not your thing, do not read it! 😉

Let me explain these “Egg Defender” levels in Angry Birds. They are part of the Red’s Mighty Feathers world, and they are not ordinary levels. The screen holds a fixed position, and there are unlimited red birds to shoot at the pigs. The pigs come at you in waves, and they are all riding annoyingly shitty contraptions that you have to destroy to get to the pig. The pigs are trying to steal your egg, and if even one gets away with it, it’s game over for you.

At first, the levels were kind of fun. It got harder as I progressed, and I would even say that a few of them were somewhat annoying. Nothing I couldn’t handle! Then came Level fucking 15.

The first asshole pig flew in on a contraption held afloat by a propeller, some fans, and a lovely thing that looked like a vase. The vase thing sucked me up if I got to close to it, so I aimed my bird behind the propeller to blow up the TNT box. No problem. Bye bye piggy!



The next little bastard dropped down from the sky, and I had a little trouble with him. I finally figured out that if I just bombarded him enough, I could eventually blow him to pieces.


The next two pigs were a major pain in my ass. Their contraption was held up by fans, which sounds and looks ridiculous. Two vase things were ready to suck me up, something else was shooting oranges at me every time I aimed my bird anywhere, and there were two balloons that couldn’t be popped thrown in for good measure. It took me a bit to figure out how to bring this one down, but finally I destroyed the damn thing.



Now the part that really pissed me off! Pigs 4, 5 and 6 were riding some crazy ass contraption I can’t even really explain. Just look at the screenshot below!



Anyway, the pig up front was the most annoying little asshole I’ve ever encountered. Over and over, he detached from his friends, sucked up my egg, and flew away faster than I could shoot him down. Over and over, I. Lost. To. That. Fucking. Pig! Aiming is a little slow in these levels, and you can’t shoot another bird until the one you shot makes contact with something. I was just too slow most of the time. Finally, I got lucky and managed to shoot that bastard out of the sky right as he was about to leave with my egg. After I got rid of him, his buddies were easy to destroy.


As for the final pig? It happened so fast, I don’t even remember what really happened. He swooped down on me, then crashed. I managed to pop him right before he escaped offscreen. Finally, this hellish level was over!



Whew. This is not a level I EVER want to repeat. I must have played it 30 times! Now it’s back to regular levels in Angry Birds, and I’m very happy about that. I applaud Rovio for making different types of levels, but I’d rather stab my eyeballs out than play them again.

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