The Cricket Catastrophe!

As many of you may know, I have a sweet, lovable bearded dragon named Bowser. Bowser is the coolest guy ever, and would be content to lounge around with me all day. He doesn’t really move around too much- he’s awfully lazy- but one thing he loves is his crickets! I’m so accustomed to having crickets in my house, it’s pretty much an afterthought. That is, until I find one where it DOESN’T belong!

I’m still in the process of fixing up my office (lame, I know, but for the past week and a half I haven’t really done much in there), but at least all my games and systems are pretty much set up! I was sitting on the floor, arranging this huge pile of shit:

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Do I have too many games? Nope!

…and in general was just amusing myself by alphabetizing all my games because that’s what I do! I decided to get all of my DS games together, since they were in various random cases and that was annoying me. They were pretty much all in one larger case that I had, along with my Game Boy Micro, a charger, and a few other odds and ends.

Boring story, right? Well, it was business as usual until I smelled IT.

At first I thought my cat or dog came in and shit on the floor or something! I looked around, but didn’t see anything. Then I organized a few more boxes, leaned forward, and smelled it again.

I looked around again, sniffed the carpet (which is brand new), sniffed my own damn FEET (which were clean, thank you) and could not figure out the source of the stench!  I thought I was going nuts.

After I leaned forward a couple more times and kept smelling it, it dawned on me: the case that was holding my DS stuff was the source! Oh my god! I quickly removed everything else from the case and that’s when I saw it: THE DEAD CRICKET.

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See it? On the tissue? That’s the source of my problems!

If you have never smelled a dead cricket before, I don’t even know how to describe it. It’s like… like mold, sweaty feet, an old sweaty gym bag, and cat turds, all rolled into one. I don’t know how one little insect can smell SO BAD, but I am not kidding when I say it is vile.

Now, please remember that this little bastard must’ve bit the dust BEFORE I even moved. One must have escaped my little cricket enclosure at my old house, traveled its happy ass across the living room and into my office, cozied up in my DS bag and died. I unknowingly packed it up and took it with me- so that means the awful smell was festering for almost 3 months! Sick!!!

Whatever. I disposed of it and carried on. Organize games, lean forward to put them on shelf… AND SMELL IT AGAIN! What the fuck man! Again, I sniffed the floor, sniffed my games… and realized that my poor Game Boy Micro was the source of the stench. That’s right- the smell was so awful in that case it permeated the things in the case too! Disgusted, I removed the game that was in the Game Boy Micro and put it in the corner of the room to deal with later.

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Side note: The Game Boy Micro is really cool!

Satisfied, I carried on. Organize games, lean forward to put them on shelf… OH NO NOT AGAIN!! 

Yep, the smell was on my poor Guitar Hero accessory! I was seriously pissed now! I added that to the pile of shit that smelled awful.

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This is a fun game, but man does it hurt your hand!

I didn’t want to carry on, but I did. Organize games, lean for- OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE HOW COULD SOMETHING ELSE STINK?!?!

Turns out, the game in the Game Boy Micro also smelled. By this time, I was absolutely seething. How could one medium-sized cricket cause me all this irritation?!

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I don’t know why I couldn’t get a good shot of this game, but it’s Wario Ware Inc…. one of my favorite GBA games!

Luckily, everything aired out after a few days, and now nothing smells anymore! Now I’m paranoid about everything else I still have boxed up, because if I have another cricket dead in any of those boxes, I think I might die. Ugh.